Room 101

Perhaps like me, you are a fan of the TV show room 101 and find other people's irrational pet hates amusing. Of course your own are all deeply heartfelt principles that go to the very heart of your being, so are absolutely beyond reproach. If however I was ever on the show and forced to come up with something to consign to oblivion, then I think I would have to choose National Trust Tea rooms. It's not just the chintzy decor and Mrs Bucket, WI ambiance, it's the whole clubby assumptions about heritage, especially around stately homes as if their aristocratic owners wealth and privilege has anything in common with the rest of us.

My difficulty is that my feral reaction to the National Trust as an organisation is in direct odds with an interest in art history and architecture, so I am tempted from time to time to lay aside my prejudices and pay up to see some property or other consigned to the grubby hands of the National Trussed, but I always regret it!

I wanted to see Croome Park because it is Capability Brown's first commission. Not only do I enjoy looking at landscape gardens but there is a personal connection. The fields, woods and pathways around the town where I was born were all re-modelled by Brown in the 1770's. So the places where I built dens,  played hide and seek and generally ran wild in when I was a boy, were not wild places at all, but a re-invention of the English countryside re-modelled to fall in line with some imaginary classical landscape dreamed up by Claude Lorraine. So, having been raised on, or rather in Capability Brown, I needed to see his first project.

This would involve managing my NT anger. Things began well enough, although the place was packed-out on this sunny Sunday when we arrived in Maisy, a jolly volunteer waved us into the (free) empty coach bay. The house was used as a hospital for the RAF during WWII. They bequeathed the place a few brick built single storey barracks in the grounds. The ticket office is in one of them. Now starts the hard sell. "Two tickets for just the gardens please", Gill asks politely. The NT gruppenfuhrer does not respond to this simple customer request (its called a transaction, or sale).

 "Have you considered membership, it's very reasonable, and the cost of today's visit would be deducted from the price", retorts gruppenfuhrer NT.

Gill: "Yes, but we decided against it, we go abroad a lot..."

Gruppenfuhrer persists: "For both of you it would only be £95, with today's admission deducted you would only need to visit four or five places and you would in pocket..."

Me: "I'm not sure really it's worth our while...I just want to see the Capability Brown landscaping....

Gruppenfuhrer interpret's 'not sure' as wavering anf tries another tack: "It's Brown's first you know.  "If you like walking, then membership allows you to park free at all the places the National Trust own, like coastal parks....

Gill: " No, we really only want a ticket for the gardens, thank you."

Gruppenfuhrer gives up and pushes a 'Gift Aid' form my way... I start to fill it in, Name, Address, email, telephone......why!!!!-  I JUST WANT TO GO AND LOOK AT THE PARK  - a voice in my head is yelling...

Gruppenfuher to Gill... "Have you come far?" (methinks, ah, you see she's ok really, friendly just doing her job...)

Gill to gruppenfuhrer, "Just from Pershore, we've been away for a few days in our motorhome, we're going home to Derbyshire tomorrow.."

Gruppenfuhrer: "There's a lot of lovely properties around Derbyshire, are you absolutely sure you won't join...I am sure with you motorhome you would soon benefit...

Gruppenfuhrer's colleague: Frantically dials 999, as grey haired man leaps over desk, beats fellow volunteer to the ground and starts to strangle her screaming at the top of his voice "I HATE THE NATIONAL TRUST, I WANT TO BURN DOWN EVERY PROPERTY AND SMASH UP ANY CAR I SPOT WITH AN NT BUMPER-STICKER,,,,"

The last bit did not happen, just in my head, as I took the tickets and said, "Goodbye", and smiled weakly....

Now it would be nice if having survived the ticket ordeal I could report that we walked out into the beautiful gardens...no...too easy. Just to 'add value' to the visitor experience, the dear old National Trussed decided to capitalise on the wartime connection by ensuring the hapless customer had to run the gauntlet of a load of pop-up Forties themed retail opportunities housed in khaki tents, complete with chuck wagon selling 'rations' out of a vintage army truck....Now I'm not ranting, just quietly catatonic as I walk like a zombie towards the haha, past the neoclassical statuary,towards  the meandering, picturesque river......glancing nervously around in case some zealous volunteer should leap,out from behind an azalea and regale us with the extraordinary benefits of Trussed membership.

The estate church in an area of restored garden.

Druid statue

Picturesque grotto

replete with reclining figure of Sabrina, Celtic river goddess of the Severn

 'Claudian' vista complete with coulisse style trees and meandering river (dug out by local labours over a seven year period - though where they lived is open to question since the local village was demolished to make way for the park). 

The Trussed is not all bad, thoughtfully the'd scattered deck-chairs about the place for the proles to relax in, though you probably were asked to show your membership card before you could take a seat!

The place was a marsh before it was 'improved', massive stone culverts supply the 'river' with water, but it's still pretty fetid looking and full of algae.

The grand entrance.....

Decorative rotunda on the hill

Restored plasterwork

More restored plasterwork

Gill gens-up on the restored plasterwork

Specimen cedars of Lebanon and distant view of  the Malverns.

So, there you have it, a visit to Croome Park despite the National Trussed. The day did have a very unfortunate aftermath. Somehow we managed to lose our Camcorder - shame, but replaceable on insurance. What can't be replaced is the three hours of video on the SD card which covered the final half of our recent trip  to the US, including all the footage of the 4th July fireworks in the National Mall, Washington....bollocks, annoying rather than disastrous - ultimately stuff does not matter, just people - nobody's bleeding..weeping maybe, but not bleeding.

Croome Park having been duly tramped over, vistas admired, haha's peered over, fetid ponds photographed we headed back to the nearby campsite, Hopyard Farm, Strensham. Hmmm. Strensham, sound familiar? You've got it, the name of the services next to the M5/M42 interchange, So the campsite was not peaceful. It should have been a pretty spot near the Avon, with a view of Bredon Hill. Also the place has a fishing lake and the pitches are spread over 25 acres amongst  newly planted woodland - all very eco. The facilities are fairly basic - the showers and toilets squeezed into a converted single garage...a bit weird. The place is not really set up for motorhomes either, there is no grey water drain point, and when we were there the electrical hook-up was intermittent - though in fairness the staff came to fix it straightaway. OK for an overnight stop I guess if you are trundling up the M5 from Cornwall, but, given the road noise and the poor facilities £20 per night seemed a bit steep to me.

The campsite has a maze of little paths through the woods - we got lost!

but found the river eventually

Good view of Bredon Hill , classic English landscape  - crack open a well thumbed Hoskins and admire the field patterns!